For reals—who all caught the MTV VMAs last night? 'Cause let me tell you, there was fashion, and there were faux-pas. A lot. Of both.
Much as I know you friendlies are hanging on my every cyber-word, I didn't live blog, because yours truly couldn’t be distracted from the task of viewing with Spence and Paige. We sipped our custom-mixed saketinis (thanks for the recipe, Dad) each and every time a single soul referenced the possibility of a comeback by one Britney Spears. An upscale drinking game, if you will. Needless to say, things were a touch blurry about twenty minutes in.
Your consolation prize, then, is a round-up of my favorite fashions from the evening, for better or for worse. (Caveat: if you disagree with little old me, just keep it under your hat. I’m offering this as a service to the masses and am not especially looking for constructive criticism.)
Now, without further ado, the good, the bad, and the HOLY GABBANA.
- Miley Cyrus actually managed to look cute, flirty, and totally age-appropriate. Go figure.
- A-Simp was rockin’ the preggers belly with some seriously sexy red hair and a goth vibe. Me likey.
- Note to Chase Crawford: Call me!
- I think I have a girl crush on Bar Refaeli. She should be, like, a model or something.
- She-Pratt could use a good steaming for the dress, and a body scrub to de-orange-ify her fake-bake. I’m just sayin’.
- What is going on with Cisco Adler? It’s like someone smacked him with a hipster stick. Try one trend at a time, homeboy.
- Okay, so there’s nothing particularly wrong with Spencer Pratt's attire. Regardless, I still chose to blame him.
- I’m all about the whole “You can never be too rich or too thin” thing, but seriously? Nicky Hilton needs to eat a sandwich, stat.
THE HOLY GABBANA!
- Brooke Hogan better not bend over.
- Kristen Stewart should prolly have kept the top up on the ride over. Or at least packed a brush.
- She has voluntarily chosen to get horizontal with Spencer, which is a disaster. But the real issue I have with Heidi Montag is her cut-out booties and off-the-shoulder potato sack.
- Perez Hilton is mad for plaid. Me, I’m just a little queasy taking in the whole outfit.
location: the den
crimes of fashion: numerous